The Beginning.... Ughh..... So cliched!!

Wow, not to be a dick, but the load time for a PHP page run by google was outrageously slow, not the point it was just kind of baffling. Nevertheless, it was created and thus my first post. Which is semi-ironic considering the thought of a diary always left me confused, if you needed to express emotions or seeking a better insight on you as a person it would serve as a cheaper shrink, but no feed back. No ambitious know how on  the human mind, and how our array of problems can be solved in an hour session. But its not a diary, no its more "Sophisticated" than that. Yes, a blog... but we know who the author is, or I should say "I" know who the author is, but the observer.... or reader.... forever will remain a mystery, unless I wrote a phishing program to give me all IP addresses that accessed this blog. Which leads me to question, is the security on this site, well... secure.... for a lack of a better word. Now I'm completely off topic..... I apologize to..... umm..... whoever reads this. Well, should I write it as if I know there are readers, never mind. This is me, an arrogant yet modest young adult in the Quest for Knowledge, a lot safer than a crusade or destined outline of a Lord of the Rings cliche, but just as adventurous..... All knowledge can be contained, but my specific cravings aren't as limited as the average mind would think. Moving on, I'm an ambitious programmer, that is hoping to soon become an intermediate developer to whore out my talents for a future.... But, as a wise man once said, "You are your biggest critic." The idea of it is quite ridiculous, but in my case is very much true. My girlfriend claims that I'm a computer genius, and I will admit my knowledge of the computer and networking do surpass the average mind, but to me its not good enough. My intermediate programming\hacking skills are only so much to me, I read code by experts and view exploits and I find myself jealous, and a little discouraged. Why can't I grasp computing that easily? Could it be in order to satisfy myself, or have instant relief to my ongoing inner torment, I ingested the most popular drugs to man? Or, do I still have yet to discover my full potential? I do have to say the average developer is a joke and his knowledge was a waste of well earned dollars spent on a pricey school and used to write code snippets to patch a firms outdated and quite laughable system. Do you really need a team working on an old SQL database telling it to push in pull records? Or how about an engine wrote to search and update records? I may sound ignorant, and that's OK for this is the beginning.